Subway. Oh, my divine Subway. Why do you tease me so? Yes, I said tease. Why? Well, I see an advertisement for a $5 footlong. Of course, I automatically crave the turkey sub with the toppings exploding out of the overstuffed sandwich being advertised in this enticing commercial. So, I hop in Lil Weezy (my not-so-trusty mode of transportation)and make my way to Subway. When I enter the shop, the usual scent of feet and meat enters my nostrils. Mmmmmmm!
Sandwich Artist: What can I get you?
Me: I would like a turkey footlong on wheat, please.
Sandwich Artist: Toppings?
Me: Yes! Lettuce, tomato, pickle, olives...ummmm...
Usually, this is where the dialogue turns ugly. How, you may ask, does dialogue "turn ugly" in a Subway? Well, that question is rather easy. If the staff wouldn't be so chintzy with the toppings, my attitude would remain in its typical upbeat tone. BUT, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. They never fail to put a ridiculously small amount of toppings on. AND, if you have ever been to a subway you KNOW what I am talking about. You say "I want olives" and they put 4 olives on your sandwich. As if each olive was king of a particular section of your sandwich and no other olives can enter the territory without war.
So, of course, I ask for more olives, and then, I get the look. That look that says "Oh great, I got the chick that's gonna give me a hassle." YES, Mr. Sandwich Man, I am going to give you a flippin hassle if you don't put more olives on my sandwich! Anyway, after the look, the Artist (ahem) puts 3 more olives on, creating 3 new olive territories. Now, I am annoyed. I mean, c'mon! How am I supposed to even taste those olives through the chunky foot-tasting wheat bread?
In my newly annoyed state, I address my dear sandwich maker again, "May I pleeeeaaaaase have more olives?" This time he is not going for it. "Ma'am, I am going to have to charge you extra for more." WHAT? EXCUSE ME? You want to charge me extra for the 3 more olives you are going to throw on that pathetic excuse for a sandwich! I am no longer sweet and complacent, that goes out the door in 1.3 seconds, and the "Listen, bitch" comes out. I call this alter "Listen, bitch" because my first sentence always starts with "Listen" and I always dream of having enough courage to add the bitch (I never do, but wouldn't that make an interesting story?).
"Listen, sir, you put a total of 7 olives on my sandwich. Is there an olive limit? In training, do they tell you that 7 is the maximum and then you have to start charging per set of 3? Is there a shortage of olives in the world that I do not know of? Do you save the extra olives you don't put on sandwiches, and eat them after your shift? I mean, really man..." At this point, he is annoyed and he can tell I am just getting started. So, I get my way. After a lot of wasted breath and time, the Sandwich chef picks up the handfull of olives that he should have from the start and throws them on my sandwich like a defeated child.
Yes. I have won this battle but I know there will be more. I know this will happen every time I go to Subway. So, Mr. Sandwich Man, be prepared because I have my voluminous speech ready to break you down and annoy the hell out of you.
Lauren: 36
Sandwich Man: 0
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ReplyDeleteRelax! I know how disappointing it is when you only got a few olives on your sandwich. However, we have to understand that the crew's complying with company regulations. Sometimes, they give additional toppings, but with moderation. :)
ReplyDeleteAnyway, you can check out other shops that have a healthy menu. They might give you lots of olives in your meal. Hehe!
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