What Would Moses Do?

No bread for a week. Whatevs. I like fruit and meat more, bitches. What gets me is that incredibly annoying feeling of not being allowed to eat something. You know? Like the bread is standing in a corner going "Neener, neener, neener!" Yep. Exactly like the photo on the left.

Nonetheless, Passover is quite possibly the best holiday ever. Moses is awesome and the story of Passover is uh-mazing. Hello?! A man parted a sea and dished out hella plagues. Balla. Every time I think of Moses, I think of a Jewish Rambo with robes. C'mon, take a second. Ding. Oh yeah, you totally see it now. All I know is that if I ever crossed paths with him, I would not want to get on his bad side. I would also ask for a picture, so I could put it on my fridge.

Most awesome part about Passover is the celebration. Get 10 Jews in a room, throw in a pound of brisket, Matzah, and family drama...you get the Jewish version of Jersey Shore. Everyone is stuffing their face like they were feeding Octomom. Seconds are for wimps. Sixths equals status. Then there is the "Find the Missing Matzah" bit. Doesn't matter how old you are, you are push'n babies and Ghandi out of your way to be the one who finds that un-leavened piece of cardboard. Last, there are the family fights. It's always between a blood related family member and the goy that someone in the family married. The best part is that you never have to be a part of it. You can just sit back, watch the show, and then talk about it later pretending you were the neutral aspect that ended the fight. Jews love taking credit where it doesn't belong. Retract that statement. Jews in my family love taking credit where it doesn't belong. So, on behalf of my fellow Jews, Happy Passover, Bitches.