My mom is a very untraditional mother. Hard as nails, but my best friend in the world. Since she is so offbeat, her advice tends to never come out properly. Hence, Momisms.
Me: (looking at an old pic of mama) Damn, mom. You were hot. Why don't I look like that now?
Mindel: Don't be ridiculous, Lauren. I was hot, wasn't I?
Me: Duh. Why'd you have to go marry a short, not so cute, Italian? You messed up my cute genes.
Mindel: You're pretty, Lauren, but you're as tall as a tree stump. I don't know how you are so short.
Me: Yeah, thanks. So, boys must have been all over you in high school. Did a bunch of boys like you because you were so hot?
Mindel: No. The boys liked me because they thought I was a really big slut.
Me: Um...
Mindel: Yeah. I had thin eyebrows and wore white lipstick, so they thought I would have sex with them.
Me: Oh...
Mindel: That's why I would never let you wear white lipstick. Too bad you have two watermelons for boobs...you're like jailbait.
Me: Thanks?
HA HA
ReplyDelete...you DO have 2 watermelons for boobs!
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you could sue your Mom for sexual harassment.
ReplyDeletePft. I can sue your mom for sexual harassment. Like how I did that? I turned it around. Yep.
ReplyDeleteJamie, way better than milk shakes? Nah. I hate watermelon.