Some people like to chit chat with their hairstylist. Talk about their affairs, the weird rash the recently discovered, or that one time they accidentally sharted. You know, the usual. However, I am not one of those people. There is a reason why I go to Fantastic Sam's and not the Pretty People Salons that do everything from haircuts to bedazzle your buttcrack; I am not looking to talk, I just want a person who probably doesn't even work for Fantastic Sam's to trim my hair. Never. Happens.Yesterday, I decided my hair was making me look like one of those Flavor Flav chicks after a love spat. Aaaaaaaaaand that's when it's time for a haircut.
My "hairstylist" greeted me with "Oh, heeeeeellooooo! You walk so well. Like a model, but too short." Hmmm, thanks? Ever notice that whenever you are dealing with stylists, they always give you backhanded compliments that make you feel like that time you ate your whole birthday cake by yourself? Don Juan sat me down and began brushing my hair. "You have really soft hair, but the color looks raw." What?! Did you just compare my hair to uncooked meat? Who does that?
Now for the Grand finale:
God's Gift to Hair: I love your sweater. Those sleeves look like so 1980's!
Me: (I want to punch your skinny jean restricted balls) Thanks. Fake smile.
God's Gift to Hair: Have you ever been to the gay club across the street?! They play eighties music.
Me: No, I haven't been there.
God's Gift to Hair: (condescending) Oh, you probably only go to straight bars...
Me: Since, I am more interested in the P than the V, yes, I generally go to straight bars.
I have tons of interest in only V and I don't go to any bars.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you should try super cuts??
Just give up and go to a salon for $20, at least they shut their traps.
ReplyDeleteRowdy - On it.
ReplyDeleteJamie - After Supercuts.