Gimmeeeee The Fix

It's the season. Not football season. Not get your girlfriend preggers and have a shotgun wedding season. IT'S GIRL SCOUT COOKIE SEASON!!!.

Girl Scout cookie season is a two-month long holiday in my twinkling eyes. The cookie that is harder to find than a tattooed baby is one of the many versions of crack I enjoy:

Notice how once I discovered GS Cookies it was an automatic climb on my food crack scale?

Half the year I am roaming the streets with bloodshot eyes, just searching for that little creature to give me a fix. But noooooooooooooo! GS Cookies are only sold during a specific month every year. It makes me want to punch those people who complain that their stupid Starbucks Vanilla Moccachino Snow Man Vagina Latte is only in stores for two months. Assholes. You can go and buy your stupid flavorings and make the drink yourself. Can I go and buy cookie ingredients and make a GS cookie? NO! They have to be made by the little Girl Scout Elves in the GS sweatshop. The one time I am not opposed to child labor.

Well, today is the day of all holy days. Rachel is bringing me FIVE BOXES OF COOKIES. FIVE BOXES. First, I love the fact that I don't have to actually purchase the cookies from the seasonal drug dealer. They are always outside of the supermarket when I am not expecting them and I have no cash. "Oh Muh Gawd! I just need 2 boxes please! I don't have any cash... WILL YOU TAKE MY PARTIALLY USED GIFT CARD TO SOUPLANTATION???" Obviously not a pretty scene. Next, I get 5 boxes, which means I have one and a half days of sitting on my couch with crumbs all ovah muh bod-eeee from the two boxes I scarfed. Then, I get to freeze the other 3 boxes. That means, if I play my cards right and don't give in to my need, I will have cookies for an additional two months. Best. Day. Ever.

My dealer.